If you want to complain to me about someone, make sure you bring them with you to the meeting.
This issue’s great advice comes from R. Dixon Thayer, the founder and CEO of ab3 Resources, a strategic consulting and investment firm based in Unionville, Pennsylvania.
He is tough on his staff! He tells them, “I’m not trying to be arrogant or unresponsive. I care immensely about the people who work for me, but I have a company to run. If you want me to also do your job, don’t expect to be too thrilled with the outcome.”
Teach your people how to fish!
The strong message for leaders is simple: Your time as a leader is too valuable to be focused on resolving every conflict that arises between your subordinates. You must get your warring team members into the same room with you where you can then teach them how to resolve their own conflicts! This is a simple case of “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.” So if you want to become more effective as a leader, stop wasting your time settling everyone else’s conflicts. As much as possible, get that monkey off your back by training your team members in basic, practical, conflict resolution.
It sounds simple, doesn’t it? And yet, the problem of complaining team members persists in every organization AND AT EVERY LEVEL. I’m amazed how many coaching scenarios brought to me involve this very problem: a team member going to the boss to complain about another team member or their team member’s direct report. It creates a colossal waste of time and energy for everyone involved, ESPECIALLY the boss. Don’t let your team members do it to YOU — use Thayer’s rule and start solving the problem at its root!
Up close and personal
One of my coaching clients presented this very scenario—a fellow supervisor went to the boss they shared to complain about one of my client’s subordinates. The boss instructed my client to look into the situation. When my client talked to the people involved, she found that the complaint was completely unfounded, and reported back to the boss with that information. The problem was, that the following week, her colleague repeated her behavior by lodging another complaint with their boss about another of my client’s direct reports.
I coached my client on how to approach the boss with the suggestion that she direct the complaining supervisor to take the issue up directly with my client instead of taking up the boss’s valuable time. I also gave my client suggestions about how to confront her colleague about the issue and recommend the same course of action to her for future concerns.
I had a hunch about this…
I also told my client that I suspected her colleague was issuing these complaints as a way of distracting their boss from looking too closely at the colleague’s performance. I said, “I think your co-worker is over her head and failing in her work. And I think she knows it, but she doesn’t want her boss to know it.”
A few months later, the boss vacated her position. I coached my client, to enable her to successfully promote into her boss’s old job. And she discovered that I was right about her colleague (now her subordinate). She ultimately demoted the former colleague into a role that was a more successful fit for her skills and her experience.
This kind of thing happens all the time, and in organizations everywhere.
But… what about conflicts between employees that are just too difficult or too contentious? Admittedly, there are times when you have to step in and become the referee. So… How do you do that effectively, but fairly and compassionately? Stay tuned to the next post and I’ll give you some helpful direction!
As always, stay connected with this blog and the resources it provides. I promise to continue to keep the content practical and relevant in every post!
Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,
Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” ™ helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!
