I tell teams:
- Ya gotta learn how to talk to each other.
- Ya gotta learn how to fight with each other.
Conflict in the workplace is not uncommon – it’s normal and inevitable. It’s only destructive if it’s handled badly—and most people in the workplace handle it badly! I shared a simple conflict resolution formula in an earlier post (I heartily recommend you read it if you haven’t already!) Here’s the link: Great Advice from Top CEO’s – #4 | The Boss Doctor
Beyond that, here are some tips for resolving conflict more effectively:
1. First of all—make sure everyone agrees on the number one goal—which is to gain better understanding! I teach this concept in my conflict management training seminars. I label it as “The Number One Goal” for any and all conflict resolution. I’ll say it again:
We must all agree that our Number One Goal is to gain better understanding.
This is an essential place to start, because we all know that perfect resolution of every conflict to every person’s complete satisfaction is an unrealistic expectation! That’s why we all have this little adage in our life’s wisdom “back pocket” to pull out whenever we need it:
We will just have to agree to disagree.
2. Hold to agreed-upon ground rules—e.g. no personal attacks; no interrupting; keep an open mind.
In my seminars, I encourage leaders to discuss conflict ground rules with their team members, and arrive at a unanimously agreed-upon list of specific rules…and to write them down and distribute them to every team member.
This is essential for two reasons:
- If you want your team members to have ownership of the rules, you must involve them in the creation of those rules!
- The clearest agreement is always written agreement. This is a principle I teach in my seminars… and it has very broad application beyond just ground rules for team conflict!
3. Now… leave your egos at the door! Conflict resolution is not about winning or losing—it’s about getting the right result and finding a practical resolution that works. That leads to the next point:
4. Help your team to view conflict as an opportunity for creative problem-solving. And don’t forget: There is almost always more than one way to skin a cat!
I encourage leaders to teach their people:
We must always think of conflict as a PROBLEM to be solved, rather than a BATTLE to be won.
5. Allow everyone involved to present their point of view without interruption. That will require restraint on everyone’s part, because we are all sorely tempted to interrupt in order to (1) correct misinformation; (2) defend our position; or (3) explain ourselves. The key is for everyone to save their remarks until it is their turn to speak.
6. Keep the team vision center stage. Ask yourselves—what is best for the team? What resolution will help us achieve our vision most effectively? With that in mind…
7. Accept that sacrifices for the ultimate success of the team are not only appropriate, but acceptable and commendable.
When information is shared openly it may surprise you how easily team members are able to give in to the needs of others, because they can see clearly how much better it is for the team as a whole.
Up Close and Personal
I once served on an executive team composed of other leaders like me—high-energy, results-driven executives, eager to leverage whatever resources they could get their hands on. We frequently found ourselves in contention over staff, budget, equipment, supplies, and space. One fiscal year, our weary CEO came to us with a proposal. He said, “I’m tired of being the one tasked with pouring over all your demands and having to say ‘no’ to most of what you all want, just to create a realistic budget for the year, and end up being everyone’s ‘bad guy.’ This time, I’m not going to do this by myself. I’m going to make all of YOU do the dirty work!”
He stood in front of a white board, and one-by-one, we had our departmental budget requests put up on that board, in front of all of us to see. The total amount of ALL of the requests, of course, was completely unrealistic. The CEO then turned to us, as a group, and said, “Okay, what do we cut????” And one-by-one, each of us began to voluntarily take many of our own departmental requests off the list, as we began to see the importance of certain other department’s requests as being of greater importance to the success of the organization as a whole.
I was amazed how quickly we resolved our issues when we had all of the information at our disposal and could see the big picture of our executive team success instead of the myopic view of our own individual departmental concerns.
You and your team are more likely to do the same if you follow the same recipe for healthy debate and collegial concern.
If your team needs help to become a more dynamic, collaborative group, call us! We have trained team leaders from thousands of organizations, equipping them with practical tools to help their people work together more effectively. And stay tuned to this newsletter for more great ideas and tips!
Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,
Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” ™ helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!
