John Adair said it well:
Communication is the sister of leadership.
Nitin Nohria, underscored that with the following observation:
Communication is the real work of leadership.
Up Close and Personal
During an executive team meeting I attended, our insightful CEO expressed it this way:
Let’s be honest, people… mostly what we get paid to do as leaders is mainly… talk.
No matter how you express it, this principle rings true: The ability to say the right thing is absolutely essential for effective leadership.
When you say the right thing, you make a personal connection with people—you build an emotional bond that leads to respect, support, and loyalty. Jeffrey Fox provides a noteworthy list of the “right things” to say in his book, How to Become CEO (Hyperion publishers, 1998). I also wrote about words that S.A.V.E. in my own book, Leading Teams.
In my management and leadership training seminars, I show my students how “the right things to say” communicate the essential V.A.L.U.E.S. of effective leadership. The acronym is a cogent reminder of those values:
- Validation
- Affirmation
- Leadership
- Understanding
- Encouragement
- Support
Notice how some of those “right things” are linked to the emotional well-being of the people we lead. Those words are used to accomplish one of the five important leadership functions identified by Kouzes and Posner (in their ground-breaking book, The Leadership Challenge) – the job of a leader to “encourage the heart.”
Up Close and Personal
In one of my seminars, I had a hard-charging, no-nonsense, Type “A” manager raise his hand and push back on my list of “right things to say,” especially the ones that had to do with emotionally-charged statements of affirmation or encouragement. He said, point-blank:
“I’m not one of those soft, emotional ‘Teddy Bear’ kind of people!”
Here’s what I told him (and emphasized for the rest of the class):
You don’t have to be an emotional “Teddy Bear” to use these words with great effect—you just have to genuinely mean it when you say it!
The following list of “right things to say” shows how easy it is to communicate with power, persuasion, and influence…
Validation – communicating empathy…your ability to correctly identify (and affirm) another person’s point-of-view—what they are thinking and feeling!
- 1. I think if I were in your situation, I would probably feel the same way.
- 2. I can see why you would feel that way.
- 3. I think I understand where you’re coming from.
Affirmation – communicating your respect for others, and your awareness (and appreciation) of their value, accomplishments, or contributions.
- 4. PLEASE.
- 5. THANK YOU.
- 6. I hear great things about you.
- 7. You’re doing a great job—keep up the good work!
- 8. That was a great job you did. Here’s why…
- 9. I appreciate your dedication and hard work.
- 10. I love working with you!
- 11. I’m glad you’re part of this team!
- 12. I’m proud of you!
- 12. I’m proud of the work you are doing!
- 13. I couldn’t have done it without your help and hard work.
- 14. I couldn’t have done it without _____________’s help. (The backdoor compliment!)
— Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis
Leadership – engaging other people to participate in the work by exercising their leadership capacities.
- 15. What do YOU think?
- 16. What’s YOUR take on this?
- 17. What do YOU recommend?
- 18. What would YOU do if you were me?
Leadership – taking responsibility for yourself and your work as a leader… being honest and forthright about your knowledge, abilities, decisions, plans, strategies, solutions, actions, and mistakes.
- 20. My bad. OR That was MY mistake.
- 21. I will take full responsibility for this.
- 22. Of course there is a risk in doing this, but I believe it is worth the risk.
- 23. I’m not sure.
- 24. I don’t really know.
- 25. I don’t think we have enough information as yet, to know for certain.
- 26. I don’t have an answer for you right now—I’ll have to get back to you on that.
Understanding – taking the initiative to encourage honest, open, direct communication from others, in order to gain clarity and better understanding.
- 27. Help me understand.
- 28. Tell me what you’re thinking.
- 29. How do you feel about this?
Encouragement – communicating your belief in the potential of others to learn, grow, develop, perform, and succeed!
- 30. I know you can do this—I believe in you!
- 31. I have confidence that you can handle this!
- 32. I believe that you are much better than YOU believe you are!
- 33. I don’t have all the answers, but I am confident that, together, we can find the ones that we need in order to succeed as a team.
Support – communicating your availability to facilitate the work and the success of others.
- 34. What can I do to help?
- 35. You’ve got my full support.
- 36. If you need any help, let me know—that’s what I’m here for!
- 37. If you run into any problems you need help with, send up a flare!
- 38. You take care of the work, and I’ll handle the pressure from upstairs.
- 39. I’ll talk to higher-ups and see what I can do.
- 40. Let’s try it YOUR way.
There are so many other practical communication principles, tools and techniques that can help you become more influential and effective in your work—we specialize in helping leaders create the right communication “climate” that promotes employee engagement, productivity, and job satisfaction! Give us a call and find out how easy and affordable it is to bring this kind of high-impact help to YOUR organization and YOUR team!
Until next time… Yours for better leaders and better organizations,
Dr. Jim Dyke – “The Boss Doctor” ™ helping you to BE a better boss and to HAVE a better boss!
Other posts you might find helpful…
DO WHAT YOU SAY YOU WILL DO – Great Advice From Top CEO’s – #23 | The Boss Doctor
ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS – 5 Questions Every Boss Needs Answered by Their Subordinates – #1 | The Boss Doctor
BE A GOOD COMMUNICATOR AND LISTEN TO YOUR TEAM – Google’s Rules | The Boss Doctor
CAN WE TALK??? – Can We Talk??? | The Boss Doctor
